Flying. Invisibility. X-Ray vision. These are the superpowers most people wish for.
Mine are a little bit less conventional, though. If I could have a superpower, it would be one of the following things:
Growing up, I think the third bullet has been the “superpower” I’ve always felt was within reach… minus the “without ever styling it” part. It feels like that perfect Taylor Swift or Reese Witherspoon or Jennifer Anniston hair is always just within my grasp… but not quite close enough to touch.
Since junior high, I’ve gone through so many fads and phases trying to find that perfect hair.
I’ve failed quite a few times.
Even to this day, getting closer to 30 by the minute, I haven’t found that signature style I love, that perfect, envy-worthy hair. And I still keep trying to find the elusive product or style or hair color to give me a Princess Diaries type of transformation.
Through the years, I’ve had more than my share of hair disasters. I’ve had my best intentions and optimism be shattered by horrific experiences. I have quite a few pictures to prove my hair has taken a beating through my hairbrained (haha) scheme to master it.
I’m sure I’m not alone. I’m sure we’ve all made some of these horrific mistakes….right?
1. The “Oh, how hard can a bang trim be” Disaster
I don’t mind dropping time and money to get a complete overhaul done on my hair. But a simple bang trim? Who wants to make an appointment and drop $20 just for a few snips? Isn’t that what Youtube is for?
I’ve had quite a few mishaps over my bangs. A few snips suddenly turns into a few too many snip-snip-snips. Before you know it, you’re sporting the superdork bang look… and they’re crooked, to boot.
Tip One: Make sure you use real hair cutting scissors, not your kid-safety shears from your junk drawer.
Tip Two: Upward snips make it easier to mask screw ups. Hold your scissors vertically.
Tip Three: If you're hesitant, just don’t do it. Seriously.
2. The “At-Home Dye is Fine” Disaster
I blame the soap operas for this one. Every time I see those perfect golden locks on those actresses, I have serious hair envy. They seamlessly change from a chocolate brown hair color to a honey color in the span of a day. And suddenly, I find myself critiquing my own chocolate brown locks, feeling like honey-colored would be just perfect.
Then there comes the moment of no return—the decision to just do it yourself. After all, those commercials make the at-home kits look so easy. The model on the box is, of course, gorgeous. Surely they wouldn’t put her on the box if it wouldn’t turn out like that, right?
Before you know it, the caramel highlights you wanted turn mildew green or the chocolate brown is actually a purpley black. The honey color looks more like vomit-color mixed with streaks of Bozo the Clown Red.
Six bucks at CVS might seem like a bargain… until you have to spend $106 to get it fixed. Been there, done that one.
3. The “I’ll Just Spin the Hairstylist Wheel at Random” Disaster
I’m antsy, if you can’t tell from the last two. I hate waiting. When I decide I want a change—I want to change it yesterday.
So frequently, I find myself not wanting to tediously make the call and schedule an appointment for the next week. Walk-ins Welcome becomes my new favorite phrase. Tried and true? Nope. I pass straight to the random world of walk-in hairstyling.
And I tend to walk-out with severe buyer’s remorse.
I’ve rocked a 1980’s style poof instead of the smooth, Kelly Clarkson look I was hoping for. I’ve rocked puffy, frizzy curls instead of the Taylor Swift spirals. I’ve cried, wanting to put a bag over my head for the drive home because I don’t want anyone even getting a glimpse of me.
Trust what you know…or at least what you’ve heard good feedback from.
4. The “Thinning Shears” Disaster
Okay, I feel like I’m probably not going to get too many “I’ve done that” stories on this one. I am embarrassed to say I might be alone here.
I got the idea once that my hair was super thick…which it is. But I got the idea it needed thinned out and no hairstylist knew just how to do it right. They never took out enough bulk. So I made a very, very bad decision.
I put a pair of thinning shears at Sally Beauty. And then I used them.
A few days before student teaching began.
Thinning was fun. I kept going. Chop, chop, thin, thin. Wispy pieces flew everywhere.
And then I stopped, glancing in the mirror. Tears came.
I looked like I was very, very sick. I had thinned my hair so much that I barely had any left.
So away went my now long locks. I had to go for an above chin-length cut just to make my hair look even.
I cried. I cried some more. But did I throw out the shears?
Nope. They’re actually still in my vanity, waiting for another moment of weakness and for time to dull the lesson.
5. The “What Was I Thinking Picture” Disaster
It’s so hard to see your hair objectively.
Until you look at a picture.
We’ve all been there. We think we’re rocking the hair-do. We think we’ve mastered it. Until we see that photograph. Suddenly, the sophisticated wave we’ve been rocking actually looks like a George Washington style wig. The messy bun we think looks Kardashian sexy actually looks greasy and frightening.
The sheak black hair we’ve been wearing for years suddenly reminds us of Morticia. The slicked back pony looks more like a greasy oil slick.
Sometimes it takes a picture for us to do the facepalm and ask “What the hell was I thinking?” Unfortunately for many of us, the picture reveals the truth… a truth we haven’t faced for years or even decades.
Pictures are worth a thousand words…and sometimes a thousand new hair products.
We’ve all had our hair disasters, right? We’ve all been chasing the elusive hairstyle that will transform us, that will give us the ah-ha moment we’ve been waiting for. For some of us, it’s a long road of don’ts to get to the one do.
To celebrate the release of my fifth novel, To Say Goodbye, I’m giving you the chance to win some hair goodies to help you master your perfect do. Sophia, the protagonist in this contemporary romance, is a hair stylist. To enter, you just have to comment below! Tell me your worst hair disaster and be entered to win an e-copy of To Say Goodbye (now available for pre-order) as well as the hair goodie box from Ulta! *US residents only. Ulta not affiliated with this contest.
****CONGRATULATIONS TO KRISTIN, YOU ARE THE WINNER! EMAIL ME TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE
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