Are you stuck in a rut? Feeling unmotivated? Having trouble getting off the couch and getting after your goals?

Maybe it's the winter blahs, or maybe it's just that life has got you a bit down. We all go through periods of feeling uninspired, tired, and just lacking the zest we need to get through it all and achieve.

As a wife, teacher, and author, I've definitely been through ruts where I feel like I can't move off the couch let alone chase those wild, crazy dreams I'm after. However, I've also come across some tips and tricks that quickly turn the attitude around and help me get back on track. Check out my tips for getting inspired quickly, and then tell me in the comments what does the trick for you.

No, I don't mean fly to Fiji (although that would be nice right about now as the Pennsylvania winter winds are whipping about outside). Getting away from it all might mean a weekend without the kids, a night in a hotel, or simply going for a 15-minute walk by yourself. The point is we all need a break from our routines and the noisiness of our lives. Take a few minutes to yourself just to be, just to breathe, and just to think. You'd be amazed how a clear head can get you pumped up to chase after your goals and to figure out what you really want.

Positive attitudes beget positive attitudes.

Surround yourself with people who have an "I can" mentality instead of an "I can't" attitude. Grab a coffee with one of your go-getter friends. Bounce some ideas and frustrations off of your spouse who keeps you grounded. Go online and connect with others in your field (If you're a writer, check out the Sprints and Spirits group run by Audrey Hughey for inspiration).

​Also, be sure that when you're out of your inspiration funk, you can help serve as the inspiration for others.
​ 

Sometimes when we're in a rut, we just need to think a little bit about what sparks joy for us in order to get inspired. Take some time out of your day to list things that make you happy--both things that you do every day and things you would like to do. 

​Writing a concrete list can be a good reminder of what matters most, what priorities you have, and how you can achieve them.

Sometimes when we lack direction in our lives or the motivation to steer the direction of our journey, it is because we are goalless. 

Writing down goals for both the short-term and long-term can help you find some motivation. By setting realistic goals for both the short and long-term, you can also find a sense of direction. When we think about our goals, we can get overwhelmed and not know where to start. Goals help us develop a plan, and a plan helps us achieve and move forward.

What goals matter the most to you? What would you be proud to accomplish this week? This month? This year? 

Recognizing the good things in your life and the things you've already accomplished can help get you back on the right path to finding inspiration. What are three things that you are thankful for today? What are three things that went right?

Don't let yourself fall into a piteous rut. Even the worst day or time in our lives has shining moments. Recognize them, illuminate them, celebrate them. This can help change your attitude to a more optimistic one, which in turn can lead to higher levels of inspiration.

Visualization is a powerful tool to get you inspired but also to help you recognize what matters most to you. 

Ideally, creating a physical vision board can motivate you. Make a collage or use technology to collect images that represent where you hope to be someday. What are your ultimate goals? What legacy do you want to leave behind? What things bring you joy?

Even just visualizing your goals can help get you inspired. Picture your ultimate end result. What will it feel like to accomplish your dreams? Who will be there with you? What rewards will you reap? What emotions will you experience?

Picturing your ultimate end-goal can help you persevere through the tough times. It's sort of like dangling the carrot in front of the proverbial donkey.... it can keep you moving and striving to push forward.

If you are someone who loves books, TV, or movies, you could find yourself getting easily attached to fictional characters. While this can be a fun hobby that you can indulge in by going to conventions and reading fanfiction, you may find that these fictional characters are becoming your best friends. 

You find more in common with your fictional best friends than your real life friends 

As you watch your favorite shows and read your favorite books, you may find that there are many more similarities that you have with fictional characters than your real friends. It can be surprising to feel like you would rather hang out with characters you are reading about then your friends that you just might not be clicking that well with. 
​

When you watch a new episode of your favorite show and get too sad when your favorite dream couple breaks up, you might just feel like your best friend got betrayed. You could also be very happy when your favorite fictional business leader gets a promotion at work and you end up feeling more excited about your personal career. Just like your best friends, you will be excited about the success of your favorite fictional characters. ​

Do you ever find yourself wishing that you could join the fictional world of your favorite characters? This could show that your best friends are on the silver screen or the written page. If you only had a magic device that could bring your favorite fictional friends into your world, you may have that chum that you feel like you deserve in real life. ​

If you just love a fictional character, you might end up buying all their merch, making them the lock screen on your phone, decorating your apartment with their swag, and you could go even as far as tattooing them on your body. If your real life friends know you as a super fan of your fictional best friend, this can actually be a really fun thing to add to your personality. 

While it can be fun to have a fictional best friend, it is important to push hard and have some great best friends in real life. This will help you feel much more leveled and healthy in your relationships. It's not bad to have fictional best friends that you are a superfan for. Just make sure that you are not neglecting your friends that are there for you on a daily basis.

Chelsea Parker is a blogger and scheduling editor at Pillow Talk Books.  Her site sends out daily emails filled with romance books from all genres.  If you get a chance sign up for their daily email and fall in love with your next fictional friend.

“You’ll regret it someday.”
“Don’t you feel like you’re missing something?”
“Oh, you really don’t want children?”

These are statements I’ve heard numerous times over the years, and they are phrases that remind me of a harsh truth: I am an abnormal thirty-one-year-old, at least by social standards.

Looking at me, though, you might not know it.

I’m married to the love of my life, a man I met at the age of twelve. I’m a teacher and an author with a small house in our quaint hometown. We don’t have a white picket fence, but we have a chain-link fence that reins in our mastiff, Henry. I love shopping, coffee, and time with my few friends I keep close.

Our life isn’t the thing of flashy romantic movies. We go grocery shopping on weekends, and we are always drowning under piles of laundry and dishes. Date night usually means Netflix and pizza in sweatpants.

In short, my life is nothing extraordinary.I am your average, brown-haired woman who hasn’t quite mastered walking in heels or winged eyeliner.  

I’m average in every way, except one: married and thirty-one, I don’t have children, and I don’t know if I ever want to.

I’ve never had what I call the mothering gene. While many other females my age crave the feeling of a newborn in their arms, oohing and awing over our friends’ babies, I am the woman, uncomfortable and awkward, standing in the corner praying no one passes the child to me. I don’t get any excitement when I walk past infant clothes in the mall, and the thought of being responsible for a child slightly repulses me if I’m being honest.

My husband and I have found a sense of joy, of purpose, and fulfillment without children. We are happy. We feel at peace. We don’t feel like we’re missing anything.

But it seems like society is quick to judge us, to define us, and to berate us for our choice.

Over the years, there’s a sense of guilt that has been pushed on us for our life choice. From strangers’ nosy questions about our childfree life to acquaintances accusing us of being selfish, we have both taken heat for not producing offspring. I have even had students’ parents question my abilities to teach because of my lack of children.

On a bigger scale, numerous blogs, articles, and speakers seem to tout the notion that a childfree life is less somehow, and then it will be filled with regret, sorrow, and unfulling days.

When I’ve written articles about being childfree and the bias that is present against women in my situation, I often faced backlash. I’ve been accused of attacking motherhood and of inventing a bias that some claim doesn’t exist.

Through it all, I’ve learned that despite critics’ words, there is clearly a subdivision between the haves and the have nots when it comes to motherhood--and I think that is the greatest disservice we can do in terms of female empowerment.

The bottom line is this: I am not defined by my mothering status, nor are you.

Our choices when it comes to motherhood certainly impact who we become and our journey. However, it is not the only defining factor in our lives as women. Our society has thankfully moved beyond the years where a woman’s worth is only measured by her ability to reproduce. Some of us are mothers, and some of us are not. But beyond that, we are so many other things. We are leaders, friends, bosses, dreamers, inventors, nurturers, motivators, and artists. We are all made up of a multitude of specialties, skills, attitudes, dreams, and personalities.

To define us by one aspect of our lives isn’t fair to any of us. As women, we are so much more than one choice, one life path, and one status.

Thus, I say this:

To those who are mothers--I respect the hell out of you and your journey.
To those who are not mothers--I respect the hell out of you and your journey.

Your choices as a woman, your life’s journey to your own version of fulfillment, and the status of your family do not define your value in society.

Find your own way, find your own joy, and don’t let anyone tell you the path you chose is less, children or not.

Lindsay Detwiler is an author with Avon Books/HarperCollins UK and a high school English teacher. She has thirteen romances released with Hot Tree Publishing, including Inked Hearts. Her novel, The Widow Next Door, released in November of 2018 and remained at #1 in Horror on the Amazon charts for weeks. Learn more by visiting her Facebook.

​
It's easy to fall into a funk this time of year.

The holidays are gone, and it seems like there's just an endless stretch of boredom and, where I live, cold. I've been struggling with the search for joy, as I've been calling it thanks to Marie Kondo. I've been struggling to find meaning in monotonous days.

However, last week before school, a dear friend of mine shared an article on Facebook that changed my whole perspective. It's a beautiful story about how small acts of kindness really can change everything.

The story is about Ruby Kate, a 5th grader in Arkansas who started asking residents at the nursing home where her mother works what wishes they have. She was amazed to find that they really only wanted the smallest things--a fresh strawberry because they hadn't had one in years, a Pepsi, a candy bar. Ruby started a GoFundMe to raise money to meet their needs, and it's raised $30,000 so far.

The article made me tear up because it's beautiful on so many levels. It reminds you that it doesn't always take a huge gesture to change the world for someone.

Take a look at the article and then check out Ruby's Facebook page. Then, head to the comments and tell me about small acts of kindness you've witnessed that have made a huge difference....or tell me about how you've found joy bringing joy to others.

Let's spread some positive vibes around this Monday morning. 
Xoxo,

Lindsay Detwiler