***As seen on The Huffington Post*** Let’s just get this out of the way right now: There IS no secret formula to a perfect marriage because there IS no such thing as a perfect marriage. Experts divulge ways to ensure your marriage will work. There are plenty of internet quizzes to help you decide how healthy your marriage is. Articles advise what to do and what not to do, making you sweat over the checklists you’re not meeting.These pieces can be fun to read. Sure, they can give you some insight into healthy relationships. But can they help you decode the secret to a perfect marriage? I don’t think so. I’ve been married for almost five years, but in many ways, it feels like longer—not because we’re miserable but because we’ve been together for quite a while. I met my husband at the age of twelve, and he’s been my one-and-only ever since. When we said “I do,” we’d been together over a decade. We thought we were going to own this thing called marriage. Challenges? Difficulties? Please. Those were for people who rushed to the altar, not us. Then we put the rings on and we realized—marriage IS hard. There are plenty of frustrations, stressors, and times when you just feel like tossing your ring into an inferno. Each marriage and experience, though, is vastly different. The equation for happiness, thus, cannot be generalized. Others can tell you how to make your relationship work until they’re out of breath, but it still won’t work unless it fits your particular circumstance. Our marriages are unique products of who we are as individuals, our past experiences, our relationship experiences, and our current status of connectedness. Thus, this article isn’t about giving you the top ten secrets to perfect your marriage. This article is about telling you ten things that have worked for my husband and I. Read them, keep a few of them if they suit your relationship, and, most importantly,use them as a springboard to find your own ten ways to improve your relationship. 1. Phone Away Thursdays On Thursday evenings, we put away all technology and watch a movie together. These few hours a week help us focus on each other and give us a scheduled time during the week to spend time together. In many ways, it’s like a cheap, at-home date that helps us reconnect during the week. 2. Just Spill I’m guilty of using the silent treatment when I’m mad, but my husband’s helped me overcome this. If I’m pissed about him slacking around the house or if he thinks I was being a jerk to his family, we spill. Being honest with each other and telling each other when you’re mad about little things will prevent issues from escalating. Letting things simmer, in our experience, leads to the irrevocable blow-ups that can damage relationships. 3. Separate Bank Accounts Our families think we’re crazy for this, but we’ve found separate bank accounts helps us both maintain independence. It started because we were lazy; we didn’t feel like switching our individual direct deposit items or bills to another account. Now, we’ve found it works because we both manage smaller purchases on our own. After coming up with a system for splitting bills, we’ve found we rarely fight about money because we have a sense of independence. 4. Talk about big purchases or decisions If I’m buying a $20 shirt at the mall, I don’t run it by Chad. If I’m buying a $600 laptop because mine blew up, I do check with him. When he decides to get inked again, he runs it by me. We respect each other enough to get opinions on big purchases and decisions. It’s about maintaining the feeling of teamwork. We maintain our independence in the day-to-day things, but the big things are decisions made together. 5. Recognize the small gestures The movies and literature tell us romance is in the big, sweeping gestures. We’ve come to realize these high expectations can lead to disappointment and resentment. Routines and budgeting practicalities rule out private jets to secret islands and dozens of red roses. Look for the small things that show you care about each other. This might come in the form of a Milky Way, my favorite candy, when Chad stops to get eggs at the grocery store. It might mean I pick up Krampus at Walmart because I know Chad wanted to see it. Small gestures can lead to big connections, and showing appreciation for these gestures can enhance relationships. A study by Sara Algoe at UNC-Chapel Hill looked at forty-seven couples who had been together for an average of five years and found that expressing gratitude for small things can lead to big results. 6. Come up with a chore system Our early fights were about chores. I’m talking vicious, name-calling level fights over dishes and trash duty. We tried doing our own laundry, dishes, and cleaning as individuals. We even tried a chore chart at one point to fix this. It took years for us to find a balance we could both live with. Do we still fight when we feel like the other person is dropping the ball? You bet. Living in a family where both the husband and wife work full-time can be straining. We both grew up in families where our mothers were stay-at-home moms for at least a good portion of our childhoods. Adjusting to a two-career family, thus, was something we didn’t have a model for. In this area of life, I think it’s just about trial and error. 7. Respect individual hobbies My husband is a gamer; I am a bookworm. Sometimes I feel like he spends too much money on gaming. Sometimes he thinks I fill our house with too many books. Sometimes I feel like he spends too many hours in front of the television playing Xbox. Sometimes he feels like I spent too many hours with my nose in a pretend world. Sometimes I get tired of hearing him talk about PewDiePie and Steam. Sometimes he gets tired of me talking about vampires and plot devices. We don’t share in the same hobbies, but we do our best to respect them. We give each other time to pursue our individual interests. In marriage, you cannot completely let go of your individuality or resentment can form. Healthy couples spend time together and apart. 8. Laughter Exhausted, ticked off, grieving—whatever we’re feeling ,Chad and I laugh together every single day. We have dozens of inside jokes and crazy pranks we pull on each other. Even when we’re in the midst of a tragedy or rough patch, we pull together to find the humor in the world around us. Keeping things lighthearted has helped us find joy together. I know when I’m ripping my hair out from a rough day at work, I’ll come home to him and he’ll make me feel better about it. Our shared sense of humor has helped us stay connected to our youthful, childish sides, which ultimately has helped build our bond. 9. Eat Dinner Together I can’t cook at all. I’ve burnt everything from spaghetti to pancakes. I’ve created literally inedible concoctions. Thus, I use the term “dinner” lightly. However, the point is, we sit down and eat together every night. Even if we’re being pulled in different directions for the evening, this grounds us in a half hour together where we’re sharing in a meal. This uninterrupted time together helps us reconnect after a long day, even if it’s just reconnecting through shared laughter over my latest cooking failure. 10. Preserving MemoriesIn high school, we started scrap booking our memories together. From time to time, we’ll pull out our seven different picture books and go back through all of the places we’ve been together. When monotony creeps in, it’s good to be able to relive the moments that make you who you are as a couple. Plus, it can inspire you to get out there and make new memories. Since looking at our pictures and realizing we haven’t been anywhere new lately, we’ve added some trips to our summer bucket list.
As I said, there is no secret recipe for a perfect marriage. It’s about trial-and-error, in many ways. It’s about being self-reflective and realizing what you need to work on and what you’ve got down. Most of all, it’s about deciding you’re in it for the long-haul—and then finding ways to make the long trip successful, no matter what it takes.
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![]() My rating: 5 of 5 stars "My fingertip steered the hour hand backward, back to that morning, when this time I felt Joe stretching awake, kissed the soft hair on his chest, grabbed his warm shoulder, said, 'Stay. Don't go. Stay here with us.'" This is, by far, one of the most introspective, emotional, moving novels I've read. The overall story line is heartbreaking, and the message it sends about life, family, love, and forgiveness are messages that will forever change you. Ella has found a perfect life for herself in Elbow with Joe and his two children. For three years, she loves Annie and Zach as if they are her own children; they are her children, in every way that counts. When Joe tragically dies, however, Ella is left wallowing in sadness, in the shadow of her life left behind. However, her life is upturned even more drastically when Paige, the children's biological mother, steps back into the picture. Ella is left trying to recover from the loss of her true love while also fighting the biggest battle of her life--the battle for her children. I am not a mother, but Halverson paints this tragedy with such depth, I felt every ounce of Ella's pain. The writing itself is stunning, perfect imagery flowing to paint the setting. I love that the setting is a huge part of this book, and that family history also comes into play. Ella is a strong character, not only because she is able to survive the horrors thrown in front of her, but because she does it with honesty, humanity, and eventually, grace. I admired her because she makes choices that are right, not easy. She does things most of us would not be strong enough to do. This book also brought up the topic of mental illness. I like how it twisted my opinion about Paige, giving me more information to eventually understand her on a deeper level. Halverson's book is one of my all-time favorites. I am so glad a friend recommended this book to me because it is one of those books that will stay with you for years and years to come due to its writing and overall impact. View all my reviews NEW RELEASE! The Braille Club Undone – J.A Kerr The Braille Club Undone is the third book in The Braille Club series and is AVAILABLE NOW! Blurb: The Braille Club fulfils desires and fantasies. It guarantees members—sensory overload. Pleasure comes in many forms. Some playful and exciting, others…twisted by evil. Would you risk pain in exchange for pleasure? Benedict and Sienna Harrison are left reeling… Siena and Benedict—newlyweds and owners of the exclusive Braille Club—are determined more than ever to protect their family. “Knox,” their new home seems safe; but a presence lurks in the shadows. Watching, waiting. When the weak link is identified, their whole world will be blown apart. Simon Lawrence will stop at nothing to satisfy his desires… But his wife, Tess, has other plans. Tired of her husband’s infidelity, she resorts to desperate measures. However, Simon won’t let this new woman slip through his fingers. Distraught, Tess will stop at nothing to protect them and her secret. How far will she go to save her husband...from himself? Virinder Bashir desires the freedom of the club… Forced to marry Noor Chaudry, a beautiful, ruthless, and desperate woman, Virinder rejects their arranged marriage, seeing through her façade. During his sensual Braille lessons however, Noor becomes the center of his fantasies. After tragedy comes a blooming love, but not everyone wants them to live happily ever after. A new client tempts Anna Dunbar down a dangerous, yet exciting path… Manager of Harrison's and the Braille Club, Guy Walker's relationship with Anna Dunbar is failing. Feeling neglected, Anna's flirting ignites Guy's determination to win her back. Their mutual development of a new Braille Club Zone reawakens their dark desires, but will these desires unite...or destroy them? Cords and ropes aren’t the only strings being pulled at the Braille Club. Danger lurks beneath deadly desires and obsessive fantasies… Will you indulge your desires and enter the Braille Club once again? Five Star Review! As an avid follower of The Braille series, I couldn't wait to read the next instalment from J A Kerr. Book 3 doesn't disappoint! With increasingly complex storylines and clever introductions to fresh characters, you are taken on a roller coaster of a ride; experiencing contradictory emotions as the book gathers pace. Definitely darker than the first two books, Kerr manages to balance romance with danger, and offers the reader fascinating insight into "edgier" elements of sexual desire. Braille club die hards will enjoy the twists and turns of familiar relationships however "Undone" takes them to another level, setting up a tantalising finale that will keep you guessing! Great read, highly recommend! – Marie Lynch. Book trailer: http://bit.ly/1Uijb2u The Braille Club Undone is available at: Amazon.com: https://amzn.com/B01IE62Z5O Amazon.co.uk: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01IE62Z5O Author Bio: I was born in the spring of 1967 at Paisley’s Ross Hospital in Scotland and grew up in Glasgow. I was an office administrator and latterly a recruitment consultant before marrying and relocating to The Netherlands with her husband. After two years, I moved to Cheshire where my first child was born and returned to work part-time. My final relocation took me back to my home town of Glasgow where I welcomed the arrival of my second child. I raised my family whilst harbouring dreams of becoming a writer. In September 2013, I took the plunge and started my first book. When I set out to write these books, I wanted to create something that mirrored exactly the kind of books I like to read. My top picks are always originals featuring strong male and female protagonists with attitude. The Braille Club Series books are a great mix of genres. Although sensuality plays a big part, there is also intrigue and a touch of thriller. I love to connect. Never miss a thing sign up to my fun monthly newsletter http://bit.ly/1VY3q4E Keeping up with a KERRdashion...for all my book gossip, giveaways and updates :) Facebook: http://facebook.com/JAKerrBRAILLE Twitter:https://twitter.com/ AuthorJAKerr Website:https://www.thebrailleclub.com Goodreads:http://bit.ly/2amHxN9 Amazon Page http://amzn.to/1fHNdxO The Braille Club series! The Braille Club is available and FREE for a LIMITED TIME: Amazon US: http://amzn.to/29F4jzq Amazon UK: http://amzn.to/1KQ7K1c The Braille Club Unbound is available at: Amazon US: http://amzn.to/29uUPXP Amazon UK: http://amzn.to/1XbQogj
WIN AN EBOOK, BOOK SWAG & $5 AMAZON GIFTCARD! All you have to do is like the below Facebook page: http://facebook.com/JAKerrBRAILLE A winner will be selected on the 3rd August. Your Angel, Me by Cora Kenborn COMING OCTOBER 25, 2016 What do you do when your dream job becomes a nightmare? When sassy, entertainment writer, Phoebe moved to NYC from the south, she never dreamed being coerced into ghostwriting bad boy rocker, Julian’s autobiography would make her the target of a deranged stalker. Everyone has skeletons in their closet, but rock stars also have obsessive fans. When Phoebe and Julian start to fall for each other, their public romance risks both their lives as obsession is unleashed. Phoebe Ryan has a dark past she refuses to share, but the scars she bears tell the story without her permission. They reminded her of terrifying moments spent with the monster that haunts her. Ability to trust destroyed, Phoebe tries to maintain focus on her dream of becoming an author despite the attraction she feels for the sexy rocker and the baggage that comes with him. Julian Bale is metal’s hottest new front man. His world was shattered one drunken night and it almost ruined him. Weighted down by guilt, he blames himself for an accident he could’ve prevented. While any emotional attachment is out of the question, Julian will play the media’s game. However, his hot little ghostwriter will never get that story out of him. As much as he wants her, if he has to choose between his dream and hers, it’s no contest. After futile bouts of resistance, they give into a forbidden attraction too strong to ignore. Now the secret’s out and it’s made them both targets. A psychotic stalker is determined to have Julian for herself, even if she has to reveal the skeletons of their pasts and eliminate obstacles to do it…including Phoebe. On the brink of stardom, two careers are on the line, and the stakes are high. Can Phoebe and Julian overcome the past and fight for what’s theirs—or in the end, is the price of fame their own survival? Personal FB page: http://www.facebook.com/Cora.kenbor... Author page: http://www.facebook.com/CoraKenborn Email: cora@corakenborn.com Blog: https://www.facebook.com/tbbookblog/ Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/corakenborn Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/corakenbornauthor Website: www.corakenborn.com Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/15178303.Cora_Kenborn ******COVER REVEAL******
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