If you are someone who loves books, TV, or movies, you could find yourself getting easily attached to fictional characters. While this can be a fun hobby that you can indulge in by going to conventions and reading fanfiction, you may find that these fictional characters are becoming your best friends. 

You find more in common with your fictional best friends than your real life friends 

As you watch your favorite shows and read your favorite books, you may find that there are many more similarities that you have with fictional characters than your real friends. It can be surprising to feel like you would rather hang out with characters you are reading about then your friends that you just might not be clicking that well with. 
​

When you watch a new episode of your favorite show and get too sad when your favorite dream couple breaks up, you might just feel like your best friend got betrayed. You could also be very happy when your favorite fictional business leader gets a promotion at work and you end up feeling more excited about your personal career. Just like your best friends, you will be excited about the success of your favorite fictional characters. ​

Do you ever find yourself wishing that you could join the fictional world of your favorite characters? This could show that your best friends are on the silver screen or the written page. If you only had a magic device that could bring your favorite fictional friends into your world, you may have that chum that you feel like you deserve in real life. ​

If you just love a fictional character, you might end up buying all their merch, making them the lock screen on your phone, decorating your apartment with their swag, and you could go even as far as tattooing them on your body. If your real life friends know you as a super fan of your fictional best friend, this can actually be a really fun thing to add to your personality. 

While it can be fun to have a fictional best friend, it is important to push hard and have some great best friends in real life. This will help you feel much more leveled and healthy in your relationships. It's not bad to have fictional best friends that you are a superfan for. Just make sure that you are not neglecting your friends that are there for you on a daily basis.

Chelsea Parker is a blogger and scheduling editor at Pillow Talk Books.  Her site sends out daily emails filled with romance books from all genres.  If you get a chance sign up for their daily email and fall in love with your next fictional friend.

“You’ll regret it someday.”
“Don’t you feel like you’re missing something?”
“Oh, you really don’t want children?”

These are statements I’ve heard numerous times over the years, and they are phrases that remind me of a harsh truth: I am an abnormal thirty-one-year-old, at least by social standards.

Looking at me, though, you might not know it.

I’m married to the love of my life, a man I met at the age of twelve. I’m a teacher and an author with a small house in our quaint hometown. We don’t have a white picket fence, but we have a chain-link fence that reins in our mastiff, Henry. I love shopping, coffee, and time with my few friends I keep close.

Our life isn’t the thing of flashy romantic movies. We go grocery shopping on weekends, and we are always drowning under piles of laundry and dishes. Date night usually means Netflix and pizza in sweatpants.

In short, my life is nothing extraordinary.I am your average, brown-haired woman who hasn’t quite mastered walking in heels or winged eyeliner.  

I’m average in every way, except one: married and thirty-one, I don’t have children, and I don’t know if I ever want to.

I’ve never had what I call the mothering gene. While many other females my age crave the feeling of a newborn in their arms, oohing and awing over our friends’ babies, I am the woman, uncomfortable and awkward, standing in the corner praying no one passes the child to me. I don’t get any excitement when I walk past infant clothes in the mall, and the thought of being responsible for a child slightly repulses me if I’m being honest.

My husband and I have found a sense of joy, of purpose, and fulfillment without children. We are happy. We feel at peace. We don’t feel like we’re missing anything.

But it seems like society is quick to judge us, to define us, and to berate us for our choice.

Over the years, there’s a sense of guilt that has been pushed on us for our life choice. From strangers’ nosy questions about our childfree life to acquaintances accusing us of being selfish, we have both taken heat for not producing offspring. I have even had students’ parents question my abilities to teach because of my lack of children.

On a bigger scale, numerous blogs, articles, and speakers seem to tout the notion that a childfree life is less somehow, and then it will be filled with regret, sorrow, and unfulling days.

When I’ve written articles about being childfree and the bias that is present against women in my situation, I often faced backlash. I’ve been accused of attacking motherhood and of inventing a bias that some claim doesn’t exist.

Through it all, I’ve learned that despite critics’ words, there is clearly a subdivision between the haves and the have nots when it comes to motherhood--and I think that is the greatest disservice we can do in terms of female empowerment.

The bottom line is this: I am not defined by my mothering status, nor are you.

Our choices when it comes to motherhood certainly impact who we become and our journey. However, it is not the only defining factor in our lives as women. Our society has thankfully moved beyond the years where a woman’s worth is only measured by her ability to reproduce. Some of us are mothers, and some of us are not. But beyond that, we are so many other things. We are leaders, friends, bosses, dreamers, inventors, nurturers, motivators, and artists. We are all made up of a multitude of specialties, skills, attitudes, dreams, and personalities.

To define us by one aspect of our lives isn’t fair to any of us. As women, we are so much more than one choice, one life path, and one status.

Thus, I say this:

To those who are mothers--I respect the hell out of you and your journey.
To those who are not mothers--I respect the hell out of you and your journey.

Your choices as a woman, your life’s journey to your own version of fulfillment, and the status of your family do not define your value in society.

Find your own way, find your own joy, and don’t let anyone tell you the path you chose is less, children or not.

Lindsay Detwiler is an author with Avon Books/HarperCollins UK and a high school English teacher. She has thirteen romances released with Hot Tree Publishing, including Inked Hearts. Her novel, The Widow Next Door, released in November of 2018 and remained at #1 in Horror on the Amazon charts for weeks. Learn more by visiting her Facebook.

​
It's easy to fall into a funk this time of year.

The holidays are gone, and it seems like there's just an endless stretch of boredom and, where I live, cold. I've been struggling with the search for joy, as I've been calling it thanks to Marie Kondo. I've been struggling to find meaning in monotonous days.

However, last week before school, a dear friend of mine shared an article on Facebook that changed my whole perspective. It's a beautiful story about how small acts of kindness really can change everything.

The story is about Ruby Kate, a 5th grader in Arkansas who started asking residents at the nursing home where her mother works what wishes they have. She was amazed to find that they really only wanted the smallest things--a fresh strawberry because they hadn't had one in years, a Pepsi, a candy bar. Ruby started a GoFundMe to raise money to meet their needs, and it's raised $30,000 so far.

The article made me tear up because it's beautiful on so many levels. It reminds you that it doesn't always take a huge gesture to change the world for someone.

Take a look at the article and then check out Ruby's Facebook page. Then, head to the comments and tell me about small acts of kindness you've witnessed that have made a huge difference....or tell me about how you've found joy bringing joy to others.

Let's spread some positive vibes around this Monday morning. 
Xoxo,

Lindsay Detwiler

I am so honored that Wild Hearts has been named one of the 12 Sensational Contemporary Romance Books by EZvid Wiki. Click here to check out the list and find some more great information on romance!

Xoxo,

Lindsay Detwiler

If you've been wondering why everyone is using the verb "tidying" instead of cleaning these days, then you haven't heard of Marie Kondo. 

The best-selling author and tidying expert Marie Kondo has her own method to finding joy in tidying, known as the KonMarie method. A recently released Netflix special, though, has made her a household name and has everyone placing items in bins, carefully folding clothes, and donating more items than ever.

But is there truth behind her message that tidying can bring joy? I was skeptical. As a total shopaholic, makeup addict, and collector of shoes, I had my doubts that the show would change anything in my attitude. In fact, I almost turned it off after the first episode.

However, I kept watching....and I got hooked. I started small, tackling my closet. But here's the thing....I found that her system works. As hippie-trippie as it sort of sounds (hold each item and asks if it sparks joy), it really does refocus your efforts.

I've made it through my closet (which was an immense task). My husband and I are finishing the kitchen tomorrow. Here are the five tips I've learned from her system that have really helped me spark joy.

I'm the girl who buys two of a shirt that I don't really love just because it's cheap. I'm the girl whose closet has ten pairs of the same kind of black pants just in case something would happen. I'm the girl with more shoes than I could wear in a year.

I like to consider myself a fashionista or a clothing enthusiast. But, if we're being honest, yes, I suppose I'm a pack-rat, a bit of a hoarder, whatever you want to call it.

​Marie Kondo emphasizes the ideas of minimalism in her show. Her idea is that if you have less stuff, you appreciate it more. This seemed like garbage to me at first, if I'm being honest. I loved having a full closet. And what was it hurting... out of sight, out of mind, right?

This week, though, I've tediously worked myself up to getting rid of four garbage bags full of clothes and shoes. Four. Heaping bags. For the first time ever, I have empty spaces in my closet. I have enough room to move clothing on the rack and examine it. I can see all of my shoes.

And you know what? She's right. She's so right. Because now, I can actually see what I have. I can walk into my closet and just grab items, toss them on, and go wherever I'm going without wondering if my outfit is good. Because everything in my closet is stuff I love.

P.S: I was super skeptical about the folding bit. But now, I love it! My leggings fit in a smaller space, as do my tank tops. And I can see everything and reach everything without having to undo stacks of clothing.

What the heck does it mean to spark joy? This was the question I wondered when I started following the KonMari method. It sounded like super hippie stuff to me.

But then on the one episode, she had someone pick out their favorite shirt. She asked them to think about how they felt when they saw that shirt, when they wore it. That was sparking joy.

Really, it's just a different way of looking at clothes, books, or anything else you're sorting. Do you really love it? Does it make you happy or bring purpose to your life? If not, chuck it.

I've been using  this tactic now when shopping, too. I stop and really think about whether or not I love the item. If I'm just buying it because it is cheap and I might use it someday, I now pass. I now seek to fill my home with items that have meaning, something I've never truly thought about in the past.

Sparking joy is just a way of saying you need to be more mindful. So many of us seek to buy stuff just for the sake of having it. But Marie points out that you need to fill your space with items that make you happy, have a purpose, and point you in the direction of the future you're seeking.

Now, everything in my closet is something I love. It's so much easier to piece together outfits or to get dressed. There are no more "maybe I'll wear this someday" items cluttering my space. 

Our house used to be clutter central. Finding the peanut butter was a ten-minute task. Morning routines were filled with tons of curse words and lost time. I was always rushing out the door last second because I could never find anything.

Now, though, I've seen a big difference in my stress level....and I've only tackled two spaces so far. The pantry is no longer anxiety fuel, and neither is my closet.

​Less clutter really just helps you breathe easier. Seriously.

Marie Kondo highlights the importance of every item having a specific home. That means even your whisk has a specific spot in a specific drawer. This helps assure that when you open a drawer or closet, you can see everything you have.

We have started assigning spaces to everything. Is it tedious? Yes. But we've also found it helps us know exactly what we have and where it is. And it also helps us appreciate everything we have. When you treat all of your belongings with reverence, there's just a newfound happiness that emerges.

I used to think we didn't have the space to be tidy. But Marie Kondo approaches small spaces with the same principles. She really showed me that you don't have to have a big space to be organized and to have the life you want.

I love that her show works with what you have. She's worked with full houses and apartment-size areas. Her show really sparks joy because it's all about appreciating what you have, big or small, and making it work for your life.

Have you watched 'Tidying Up' or ascribed to Marie Kondo's principles? Let me know in the comments what you've thought of her process, or tell us your own success story. And if you think this article will help your friends and family, feel free to hit the icons below to share!

☆ New Release & Giveaway ☆

'Promised  Hearts' by Lindsay Detwiler is LIVE and on sale for #99c!

Promising forever isn’t always easy, even when you’ve found Mr. Right.


Amazon US: https://amzn.to/2C1PlPZ
All other links: books2read.com/promised-hearts
#Giveaway: http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/ea80a6ed340/

How could we be anything but forever to each other when our lives are so irresolutely melded together?

Two years ago, Avery Johannas swore she wouldn’t give her heart to another man again—and then Jesse Pearce changed her mind. Now, with wedding bells getting ready to ring, Avery’s relying on her friends to get her through all the hectic wedding planning. However, she’ll have to let go of the past in order to say “I do” one more time and take the risk again.

Avery and Jesse’s relationship isn’t the only one changing. Reed’s role as wedding planner makes Lysander realize all he is missing. With wedding fever in the ocean air, will the two be ready to take the next big step as well—or will Lysander be left craving the promise of forever?

As the couples from Midsummer Nights get ready for Avery’s big day, they’ll pull together in a memorable way—and the surprise twist up their sleeves is sure to make fans of the Lines in the Sand series swoon.

#PromisedHearts_Release #LindsayDetwiler #HTPubs 
Tour Organizer: https://www.facebook.com/hottreepromotions

​

​Whether it's a high school romance or simply an excuse to get away from the kids, dating is one of the most important things you can do to nurture a relationship. Dating ultimately lays the foundation for a long, healthy, and compassion-filled marriage. How? By compelling you to set aside time for your significant other, listen to what it is they have to say, communicate about everything going on in your lives, and best of all: do something fun together.

Unfortunately, dating is low on the priority list for many couples. It’s hard enough to find an extra hour or two you can spend with your significant other. When you’re raising children, saving up for a house, or paying off student loans (or all of the above), you might even wonder if dating is worth it at all. But dating doesn’t have to be rocket science. It also doesn’t have to cost a fortune. With a few proactive measures and ideas, you’ll find yourself rekindling that passion that first incited your relationship.

Make Date Night a Priority

This might not apply to a couple who met only recently, but for the married folk out there, try to make date night a regular part of your schedule. This might mean different things for different couples, as everyone’s schedule is unique. For some, this might mean a formal outing once a month. For others, this might mean spending some quality time alone together a few times a week. Either way, your significant other will be flattered you’re taking time out of your day to do something fun together and show them they matter.

Budget Accordingly

Perhaps you and your significant other have become big-time foodies, movie junkies, or local bowling champions. Whatever the case, try to come up with a plan of what is you’ll be doing on date night, and how frequently you’ll be doing it. By factoring date night into your budget ahead of time, you’ll always be prepared financially. One great way to come up with money for date night is automating your savings. Mobile banking apps like Chime can save a portion of your paycheck without you ever needing to transfer money around. Once you’ve accounted for your finances, you can consider what date ideas best suit your budget.

Try Some Cheap Date Ideas

1. Go on a Hike - Most walking trails are free, however some places—like state parks—require minimal admissions fees. Nevertheless, it’s always good to get some fresh air!

 

1. Go to a Coffee Shop - Perfect for the coffee connoisseur. Coffee shops are great for reading, enjoying yummy pastries, or even just talking amongst a few brews.

 

1. Go to an Cafe - Look around your area for an eccentric cafe. Many of which even offer local craft beer and live music!

 

1. Go Get Dessert - You both deserve a night out but sometimes restaurant bills add up so fast. If you’ve had dinner at home but you still have a sweet tooth, go satisfy it out somewhere!

 

1. Try a New Recipe - Like cooking? Try to recreate a savory dish you find online or in a cookbook. Compare the result with pictures you find online and keep trying until it’s perfect!

 

1. Watch Your Favorite Movie or Series - Don’t waste time looking through every streaming service for one movie. Search JustWatch to see where any movie or TV series is available. Then go grab your favorite snacks.

 

1. Go Bowling - Bowling is a fun and affordable date night choice for players at any skill level. Haven’t tried before? Don’t worry—it’s actually quite easy to pick up (but that’s just like, my opinion man!).

 

1. Go Miniature Golfing - Hone your precision and concentration skills with a simple game of miniature golf. Cleverly designed courses are sure to throw off even the best golfers, and surprise the beginners—making for a date filled with fun and laughs.

 

1. Play a Board Game - The world of board games has gotten a lot bigger since your childhood. There are now a number of popular board games aimed at adults that are sure to strike an interesting conversation.

 

1. Drive Around - Up for an adventure? With a car, you can cover more ground than you can on foot. This might also be a better option during the winter months, or even to go see your neighborhood’s christmas lights.

​

Tomorrow, my husband and I will celebrate seven years of marriage.

In many ways, I know it is quite a feat because let's face it: Those people who say that marriage is hard, well, they're right. It is hard. So damn hard.

Don't get me wrong. It's also beautiful. Having a best friend, a partner, a cheerleader to walk through life with is a magical thing. I'm truly thankful that I got to marry the man I did and that he is the best partner I could ask for. 

Still, marriage isn't always a dance down the aisle or a romantic stroll on a perfect-temperature day. It's exhausting. It's boring sometimes. It's aggravating. And the struggles go well beyond dirty socks on the floor or who is taking out the trash. Life is hard. Love is hard. Staying committed is hard sometimes.

Over the years, we've learned a lot about life as we've grown up together. We've learned about mortgage rates and taxes. We've learned about taking care of furnaces and that water heaters are freaking expensive.

And most of all, we've learned that marriage isn't always what it seems like in the movies.

Here are seven things we've learned in the past seven years of marriage.

When we first got married, we thought money would be the external force to come between us. So many women's magazines, experts, and married couple warn about how money fights can get fierce.

For us, though, we learned very quickly that there was another danger lurking: chores. With us both working full-time jobs, dividing and conquering the mundane drudgery of adult life threatened to overpower our connection so many times. We argued, fought, cried, and swore over what we both deemed an unfair splitting of the household duties. We were in uncharted territory, having both lived at home before moving in together. We didn't have a system or a plan.

It took a few years for us to come up with a system we were both happy with. I think for couples getting ready to move in together or get married, my best advice is: Talk now about how you will divide regular chores. Don't assume you will both merrily do your part without having to discuss it because this can lead to resentment and really wicked fights. 

Movies, books, and even social media can make us feel like romance is about the big gestures. Diamonds, roses, romantic getaways--these things are all wonderful.

But they also cost a lot of money and especially early on in our marriage, that just wasn't a luxury we could afford.

I've learned in seven years of marriage, though, that romance isn't always about Instagram-worthy gestures. Sometimes it's about the really small gestures. My husband stopping to get me some Starbucks after work as a surprise, and remembering exactly how I like my iced coffee. A simple dinner in the air fryer and some time across from each other at our dinner table after a long, hard week. A random kiss in the middle of a cut scene in his video game, or pausing my Netflix show just to tell him I love him. These are the real romantic moments of married life. And these are the moments that are free but also mean so much.

I don't care who you are--you have annoying habits. And so does your spouse.

Chad and I are super close, and we knew each other for a long time before we got married. Still, living with someone, you really to get to know each other, good and bad.

I think all married couples go through stages of annoyance. There are things I wish I could change about my husband, and vice versa. Not big things, just little annoying habits. But I've come to learn that marriage isn't about loving the other person for the good things. It's about loving them for the bad things, too. It's about accepting each other for who you are and realizing that neither of you are perfect.

Chad and I try to run our marriage on the 50/50 principle. However, we've come to realize that the 50/50 model doesn't always work because life isn't always fair. There are times when he's struggling, and I need to give more. There are times when I'm struggling, and he needs to give more.

Marriage is sometimes about picking up the slack for your partner so the team can keep moving forward. It's about doing dishes for him when he's working a ton of overtime, and it's about helping with the laundry for me when I'm having a stressful week.

One of the biggest struggles of married life (and adult life) is being tired. Truly.

Working, taking care of a household, and managing our various roles is tiring. It's easy to slack on spending time with each other, on putting in effort to make sure our connection stays strong.

We've learned over the years, though, that you have to push through. When he was working an odd shift last year, that meant getting less sleep so we could see each other. It means that when we come home and are so tired, we just want to go our separate ways and rest, we put in the effort to find energy to hang out. 

​Marriage is work. Building a connection is work. You have to be able to put in the time.

Maintaining separate identities is important in a marriage. Chad and I don't share any mutual hobbies, but we've learned that's okay. Having time to work on our own hobbies is healthy and has helped us stay happy together. Most of all, we've learned that supporting each other in our separate endeavors has helped us appreciate who we are together.

​Married life doesn't have to be about doing everything together. We've found happiness as a couple by appreciating our differences and supporting each other's interests.

I've written this in so many articles because it's the biggest truth I've come to learn. The key to a happy, successful marriage, in my opinion, is being able to laugh together. It's about not taking marriage too seriously or taking each other too seriously. It's about being able to joke, to laugh, to play, to be goofy together. It's about cracking a smile when life starts to get hard. It's about making each other truly laugh when life makes you want to cry.

Having someone beside you who can make you smile through even the hardest times is when connections are strengthened. 


I want to know what you've learned from marriage. Tell me in the comments below!

​