Are you stuck in a rut? Feeling unmotivated? Having trouble getting off the couch and getting after your goals?

Maybe it's the winter blahs, or maybe it's just that life has got you a bit down. We all go through periods of feeling uninspired, tired, and just lacking the zest we need to get through it all and achieve.

As a wife, teacher, and author, I've definitely been through ruts where I feel like I can't move off the couch let alone chase those wild, crazy dreams I'm after. However, I've also come across some tips and tricks that quickly turn the attitude around and help me get back on track. Check out my tips for getting inspired quickly, and then tell me in the comments what does the trick for you.

No, I don't mean fly to Fiji (although that would be nice right about now as the Pennsylvania winter winds are whipping about outside). Getting away from it all might mean a weekend without the kids, a night in a hotel, or simply going for a 15-minute walk by yourself. The point is we all need a break from our routines and the noisiness of our lives. Take a few minutes to yourself just to be, just to breathe, and just to think. You'd be amazed how a clear head can get you pumped up to chase after your goals and to figure out what you really want.

Positive attitudes beget positive attitudes.

Surround yourself with people who have an "I can" mentality instead of an "I can't" attitude. Grab a coffee with one of your go-getter friends. Bounce some ideas and frustrations off of your spouse who keeps you grounded. Go online and connect with others in your field (If you're a writer, check out the Sprints and Spirits group run by Audrey Hughey for inspiration).

​Also, be sure that when you're out of your inspiration funk, you can help serve as the inspiration for others.
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Sometimes when we're in a rut, we just need to think a little bit about what sparks joy for us in order to get inspired. Take some time out of your day to list things that make you happy--both things that you do every day and things you would like to do. 

​Writing a concrete list can be a good reminder of what matters most, what priorities you have, and how you can achieve them.

Sometimes when we lack direction in our lives or the motivation to steer the direction of our journey, it is because we are goalless. 

Writing down goals for both the short-term and long-term can help you find some motivation. By setting realistic goals for both the short and long-term, you can also find a sense of direction. When we think about our goals, we can get overwhelmed and not know where to start. Goals help us develop a plan, and a plan helps us achieve and move forward.

What goals matter the most to you? What would you be proud to accomplish this week? This month? This year? 

Recognizing the good things in your life and the things you've already accomplished can help get you back on the right path to finding inspiration. What are three things that you are thankful for today? What are three things that went right?

Don't let yourself fall into a piteous rut. Even the worst day or time in our lives has shining moments. Recognize them, illuminate them, celebrate them. This can help change your attitude to a more optimistic one, which in turn can lead to higher levels of inspiration.

Visualization is a powerful tool to get you inspired but also to help you recognize what matters most to you. 

Ideally, creating a physical vision board can motivate you. Make a collage or use technology to collect images that represent where you hope to be someday. What are your ultimate goals? What legacy do you want to leave behind? What things bring you joy?

Even just visualizing your goals can help get you inspired. Picture your ultimate end result. What will it feel like to accomplish your dreams? Who will be there with you? What rewards will you reap? What emotions will you experience?

Picturing your ultimate end-goal can help you persevere through the tough times. It's sort of like dangling the carrot in front of the proverbial donkey.... it can keep you moving and striving to push forward.

If you are someone who loves books, TV, or movies, you could find yourself getting easily attached to fictional characters. While this can be a fun hobby that you can indulge in by going to conventions and reading fanfiction, you may find that these fictional characters are becoming your best friends. 

You find more in common with your fictional best friends than your real life friends 

As you watch your favorite shows and read your favorite books, you may find that there are many more similarities that you have with fictional characters than your real friends. It can be surprising to feel like you would rather hang out with characters you are reading about then your friends that you just might not be clicking that well with. 
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When you watch a new episode of your favorite show and get too sad when your favorite dream couple breaks up, you might just feel like your best friend got betrayed. You could also be very happy when your favorite fictional business leader gets a promotion at work and you end up feeling more excited about your personal career. Just like your best friends, you will be excited about the success of your favorite fictional characters. ​

Do you ever find yourself wishing that you could join the fictional world of your favorite characters? This could show that your best friends are on the silver screen or the written page. If you only had a magic device that could bring your favorite fictional friends into your world, you may have that chum that you feel like you deserve in real life. ​

If you just love a fictional character, you might end up buying all their merch, making them the lock screen on your phone, decorating your apartment with their swag, and you could go even as far as tattooing them on your body. If your real life friends know you as a super fan of your fictional best friend, this can actually be a really fun thing to add to your personality. 

While it can be fun to have a fictional best friend, it is important to push hard and have some great best friends in real life. This will help you feel much more leveled and healthy in your relationships. It's not bad to have fictional best friends that you are a superfan for. Just make sure that you are not neglecting your friends that are there for you on a daily basis.

Chelsea Parker is a blogger and scheduling editor at Pillow Talk Books.  Her site sends out daily emails filled with romance books from all genres.  If you get a chance sign up for their daily email and fall in love with your next fictional friend.

“You’ll regret it someday.”
“Don’t you feel like you’re missing something?”
“Oh, you really don’t want children?”

These are statements I’ve heard numerous times over the years, and they are phrases that remind me of a harsh truth: I am an abnormal thirty-one-year-old, at least by social standards.

Looking at me, though, you might not know it.

I’m married to the love of my life, a man I met at the age of twelve. I’m a teacher and an author with a small house in our quaint hometown. We don’t have a white picket fence, but we have a chain-link fence that reins in our mastiff, Henry. I love shopping, coffee, and time with my few friends I keep close.

Our life isn’t the thing of flashy romantic movies. We go grocery shopping on weekends, and we are always drowning under piles of laundry and dishes. Date night usually means Netflix and pizza in sweatpants.

In short, my life is nothing extraordinary.I am your average, brown-haired woman who hasn’t quite mastered walking in heels or winged eyeliner.  

I’m average in every way, except one: married and thirty-one, I don’t have children, and I don’t know if I ever want to.

I’ve never had what I call the mothering gene. While many other females my age crave the feeling of a newborn in their arms, oohing and awing over our friends’ babies, I am the woman, uncomfortable and awkward, standing in the corner praying no one passes the child to me. I don’t get any excitement when I walk past infant clothes in the mall, and the thought of being responsible for a child slightly repulses me if I’m being honest.

My husband and I have found a sense of joy, of purpose, and fulfillment without children. We are happy. We feel at peace. We don’t feel like we’re missing anything.

But it seems like society is quick to judge us, to define us, and to berate us for our choice.

Over the years, there’s a sense of guilt that has been pushed on us for our life choice. From strangers’ nosy questions about our childfree life to acquaintances accusing us of being selfish, we have both taken heat for not producing offspring. I have even had students’ parents question my abilities to teach because of my lack of children.

On a bigger scale, numerous blogs, articles, and speakers seem to tout the notion that a childfree life is less somehow, and then it will be filled with regret, sorrow, and unfulling days.

When I’ve written articles about being childfree and the bias that is present against women in my situation, I often faced backlash. I’ve been accused of attacking motherhood and of inventing a bias that some claim doesn’t exist.

Through it all, I’ve learned that despite critics’ words, there is clearly a subdivision between the haves and the have nots when it comes to motherhood--and I think that is the greatest disservice we can do in terms of female empowerment.

The bottom line is this: I am not defined by my mothering status, nor are you.

Our choices when it comes to motherhood certainly impact who we become and our journey. However, it is not the only defining factor in our lives as women. Our society has thankfully moved beyond the years where a woman’s worth is only measured by her ability to reproduce. Some of us are mothers, and some of us are not. But beyond that, we are so many other things. We are leaders, friends, bosses, dreamers, inventors, nurturers, motivators, and artists. We are all made up of a multitude of specialties, skills, attitudes, dreams, and personalities.

To define us by one aspect of our lives isn’t fair to any of us. As women, we are so much more than one choice, one life path, and one status.

Thus, I say this:

To those who are mothers--I respect the hell out of you and your journey.
To those who are not mothers--I respect the hell out of you and your journey.

Your choices as a woman, your life’s journey to your own version of fulfillment, and the status of your family do not define your value in society.

Find your own way, find your own joy, and don’t let anyone tell you the path you chose is less, children or not.

Lindsay Detwiler is an author with Avon Books/HarperCollins UK and a high school English teacher. She has thirteen romances released with Hot Tree Publishing, including Inked Hearts. Her novel, The Widow Next Door, released in November of 2018 and remained at #1 in Horror on the Amazon charts for weeks. Learn more by visiting her Facebook.

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It's easy to fall into a funk this time of year.

The holidays are gone, and it seems like there's just an endless stretch of boredom and, where I live, cold. I've been struggling with the search for joy, as I've been calling it thanks to Marie Kondo. I've been struggling to find meaning in monotonous days.

However, last week before school, a dear friend of mine shared an article on Facebook that changed my whole perspective. It's a beautiful story about how small acts of kindness really can change everything.

The story is about Ruby Kate, a 5th grader in Arkansas who started asking residents at the nursing home where her mother works what wishes they have. She was amazed to find that they really only wanted the smallest things--a fresh strawberry because they hadn't had one in years, a Pepsi, a candy bar. Ruby started a GoFundMe to raise money to meet their needs, and it's raised $30,000 so far.

The article made me tear up because it's beautiful on so many levels. It reminds you that it doesn't always take a huge gesture to change the world for someone.

Take a look at the article and then check out Ruby's Facebook page. Then, head to the comments and tell me about small acts of kindness you've witnessed that have made a huge difference....or tell me about how you've found joy bringing joy to others.

Let's spread some positive vibes around this Monday morning. 
Xoxo,

Lindsay Detwiler

I am so honored that Wild Hearts has been named one of the 12 Sensational Contemporary Romance Books by EZvid Wiki. Click here to check out the list and find some more great information on romance!

Xoxo,

Lindsay Detwiler

If you've been wondering why everyone is using the verb "tidying" instead of cleaning these days, then you haven't heard of Marie Kondo. 

The best-selling author and tidying expert Marie Kondo has her own method to finding joy in tidying, known as the KonMarie method. A recently released Netflix special, though, has made her a household name and has everyone placing items in bins, carefully folding clothes, and donating more items than ever.

But is there truth behind her message that tidying can bring joy? I was skeptical. As a total shopaholic, makeup addict, and collector of shoes, I had my doubts that the show would change anything in my attitude. In fact, I almost turned it off after the first episode.

However, I kept watching....and I got hooked. I started small, tackling my closet. But here's the thing....I found that her system works. As hippie-trippie as it sort of sounds (hold each item and asks if it sparks joy), it really does refocus your efforts.

I've made it through my closet (which was an immense task). My husband and I are finishing the kitchen tomorrow. Here are the five tips I've learned from her system that have really helped me spark joy.

I'm the girl who buys two of a shirt that I don't really love just because it's cheap. I'm the girl whose closet has ten pairs of the same kind of black pants just in case something would happen. I'm the girl with more shoes than I could wear in a year.

I like to consider myself a fashionista or a clothing enthusiast. But, if we're being honest, yes, I suppose I'm a pack-rat, a bit of a hoarder, whatever you want to call it.

​Marie Kondo emphasizes the ideas of minimalism in her show. Her idea is that if you have less stuff, you appreciate it more. This seemed like garbage to me at first, if I'm being honest. I loved having a full closet. And what was it hurting... out of sight, out of mind, right?

This week, though, I've tediously worked myself up to getting rid of four garbage bags full of clothes and shoes. Four. Heaping bags. For the first time ever, I have empty spaces in my closet. I have enough room to move clothing on the rack and examine it. I can see all of my shoes.

And you know what? She's right. She's so right. Because now, I can actually see what I have. I can walk into my closet and just grab items, toss them on, and go wherever I'm going without wondering if my outfit is good. Because everything in my closet is stuff I love.

P.S: I was super skeptical about the folding bit. But now, I love it! My leggings fit in a smaller space, as do my tank tops. And I can see everything and reach everything without having to undo stacks of clothing.

What the heck does it mean to spark joy? This was the question I wondered when I started following the KonMari method. It sounded like super hippie stuff to me.

But then on the one episode, she had someone pick out their favorite shirt. She asked them to think about how they felt when they saw that shirt, when they wore it. That was sparking joy.

Really, it's just a different way of looking at clothes, books, or anything else you're sorting. Do you really love it? Does it make you happy or bring purpose to your life? If not, chuck it.

I've been using  this tactic now when shopping, too. I stop and really think about whether or not I love the item. If I'm just buying it because it is cheap and I might use it someday, I now pass. I now seek to fill my home with items that have meaning, something I've never truly thought about in the past.

Sparking joy is just a way of saying you need to be more mindful. So many of us seek to buy stuff just for the sake of having it. But Marie points out that you need to fill your space with items that make you happy, have a purpose, and point you in the direction of the future you're seeking.

Now, everything in my closet is something I love. It's so much easier to piece together outfits or to get dressed. There are no more "maybe I'll wear this someday" items cluttering my space. 

Our house used to be clutter central. Finding the peanut butter was a ten-minute task. Morning routines were filled with tons of curse words and lost time. I was always rushing out the door last second because I could never find anything.

Now, though, I've seen a big difference in my stress level....and I've only tackled two spaces so far. The pantry is no longer anxiety fuel, and neither is my closet.

​Less clutter really just helps you breathe easier. Seriously.

Marie Kondo highlights the importance of every item having a specific home. That means even your whisk has a specific spot in a specific drawer. This helps assure that when you open a drawer or closet, you can see everything you have.

We have started assigning spaces to everything. Is it tedious? Yes. But we've also found it helps us know exactly what we have and where it is. And it also helps us appreciate everything we have. When you treat all of your belongings with reverence, there's just a newfound happiness that emerges.

I used to think we didn't have the space to be tidy. But Marie Kondo approaches small spaces with the same principles. She really showed me that you don't have to have a big space to be organized and to have the life you want.

I love that her show works with what you have. She's worked with full houses and apartment-size areas. Her show really sparks joy because it's all about appreciating what you have, big or small, and making it work for your life.

Have you watched 'Tidying Up' or ascribed to Marie Kondo's principles? Let me know in the comments what you've thought of her process, or tell us your own success story. And if you think this article will help your friends and family, feel free to hit the icons below to share!

☆ New Release & Giveaway ☆

'Promised  Hearts' by Lindsay Detwiler is LIVE and on sale for #99c!

Promising forever isn’t always easy, even when you’ve found Mr. Right.


Amazon US: https://amzn.to/2C1PlPZ
All other links: books2read.com/promised-hearts
#Giveaway: http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/ea80a6ed340/

How could we be anything but forever to each other when our lives are so irresolutely melded together?

Two years ago, Avery Johannas swore she wouldn’t give her heart to another man again—and then Jesse Pearce changed her mind. Now, with wedding bells getting ready to ring, Avery’s relying on her friends to get her through all the hectic wedding planning. However, she’ll have to let go of the past in order to say “I do” one more time and take the risk again.

Avery and Jesse’s relationship isn’t the only one changing. Reed’s role as wedding planner makes Lysander realize all he is missing. With wedding fever in the ocean air, will the two be ready to take the next big step as well—or will Lysander be left craving the promise of forever?

As the couples from Midsummer Nights get ready for Avery’s big day, they’ll pull together in a memorable way—and the surprise twist up their sleeves is sure to make fans of the Lines in the Sand series swoon.

#PromisedHearts_Release #LindsayDetwiler #HTPubs 
Tour Organizer: https://www.facebook.com/hottreepromotions

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​Whether it's a high school romance or simply an excuse to get away from the kids, dating is one of the most important things you can do to nurture a relationship. Dating ultimately lays the foundation for a long, healthy, and compassion-filled marriage. How? By compelling you to set aside time for your significant other, listen to what it is they have to say, communicate about everything going on in your lives, and best of all: do something fun together.

Unfortunately, dating is low on the priority list for many couples. It’s hard enough to find an extra hour or two you can spend with your significant other. When you’re raising children, saving up for a house, or paying off student loans (or all of the above), you might even wonder if dating is worth it at all. But dating doesn’t have to be rocket science. It also doesn’t have to cost a fortune. With a few proactive measures and ideas, you’ll find yourself rekindling that passion that first incited your relationship.

Make Date Night a Priority

This might not apply to a couple who met only recently, but for the married folk out there, try to make date night a regular part of your schedule. This might mean different things for different couples, as everyone’s schedule is unique. For some, this might mean a formal outing once a month. For others, this might mean spending some quality time alone together a few times a week. Either way, your significant other will be flattered you’re taking time out of your day to do something fun together and show them they matter.

Budget Accordingly

Perhaps you and your significant other have become big-time foodies, movie junkies, or local bowling champions. Whatever the case, try to come up with a plan of what is you’ll be doing on date night, and how frequently you’ll be doing it. By factoring date night into your budget ahead of time, you’ll always be prepared financially. One great way to come up with money for date night is automating your savings. Mobile banking apps like Chime can save a portion of your paycheck without you ever needing to transfer money around. Once you’ve accounted for your finances, you can consider what date ideas best suit your budget.

Try Some Cheap Date Ideas

1. Go on a Hike - Most walking trails are free, however some places—like state parks—require minimal admissions fees. Nevertheless, it’s always good to get some fresh air!

 

1. Go to a Coffee Shop - Perfect for the coffee connoisseur. Coffee shops are great for reading, enjoying yummy pastries, or even just talking amongst a few brews.

 

1. Go to an Cafe - Look around your area for an eccentric cafe. Many of which even offer local craft beer and live music!

 

1. Go Get Dessert - You both deserve a night out but sometimes restaurant bills add up so fast. If you’ve had dinner at home but you still have a sweet tooth, go satisfy it out somewhere!

 

1. Try a New Recipe - Like cooking? Try to recreate a savory dish you find online or in a cookbook. Compare the result with pictures you find online and keep trying until it’s perfect!

 

1. Watch Your Favorite Movie or Series - Don’t waste time looking through every streaming service for one movie. Search JustWatch to see where any movie or TV series is available. Then go grab your favorite snacks.

 

1. Go Bowling - Bowling is a fun and affordable date night choice for players at any skill level. Haven’t tried before? Don’t worry—it’s actually quite easy to pick up (but that’s just like, my opinion man!).

 

1. Go Miniature Golfing - Hone your precision and concentration skills with a simple game of miniature golf. Cleverly designed courses are sure to throw off even the best golfers, and surprise the beginners—making for a date filled with fun and laughs.

 

1. Play a Board Game - The world of board games has gotten a lot bigger since your childhood. There are now a number of popular board games aimed at adults that are sure to strike an interesting conversation.

 

1. Drive Around - Up for an adventure? With a car, you can cover more ground than you can on foot. This might also be a better option during the winter months, or even to go see your neighborhood’s christmas lights.

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