An Important Mother's Day Wish For Every Woman

An Important Mother's Day Wish For Every Woman

I am a thirty-year-old married woman who doesn't have children. You may be wondering, thus, what business I have writing about Mother's Day.

Here's the thing I've come to learn over the years of being a childless woman: The holiday means something different to every woman. For each of us, we have a different relationship with the term "mother," in reference to ourselves and even in reference to the women in our lives. 

Our backgrounds, our life experiences, our choices, our personalities all impact what the day means... and I think that's okay.

However, I've seen such a divide arise over Mother's Day. The rift between mothers and the childless or the child free seems to be accentuated on this day, and sometimes that leads to animosity on both sides.

I think that is a shame.

No matter who you are as a woman or what your life looks like, I think there is something in Mother's Day for us all. For me, it's a day to celebrate the influential mothering figures in my life. However, I think it is also a day to celebrate the mothering spirit within.

Mother's Day does not only have to be celebrated in the typical, child hand's in yours kind of way. 

So here is what I wish for you this Mother's Day: I wish you joy, happiness, and inner peace, no matter what stage or state your life is in. I wish for you as a woman to appreciate and value your worth in this world, your contributions, and the ways you make this world a better place, no matter what the status is of your biological offspring. 

Most of all, my wish is that for each of you, you find a sense of inner calm on this day to celebrate mothers of all types. Let's celebrate all women this Mother's Day, mother in the traditional sense or not. Drop your wishes for the women in your life in the comments below.

To the stay-at-home mom

Some say you are lucky to stay home and that they would give anything to be in your shoes.

Some judge you and say you are "just" a stay-at-home mom.

But the bottom line is this: I don't think many truly understand what you do.

You give yourself 110% every single day. There are no sick days, no vacation days, no off-the-clock time. You devote every moment of yourself to your children, to their well-being. 

Sometimes, you don't know if you're doing a good job. Some days, you wish you could just escape it all. Some days you wish for something different. Some days you feel guilty for wishing all of that.

I'm here to tell you that you're amazing. I admire you. You, like so many mothers, sacrifice so much to make sure your children have the life you imagine for them. You push yourself to do better. When I see you, I see a woman strong and determined to do a good job, to teach her children, and to love them with all she has.

​My wish for you is to know that you are strong, you are capable, you are inspiring, and you make a difference in this world.

To the working mom

You're go, go, go on all cylinders. You balance life at home and life at work. You wear so many hats, and maybe you're tired more days than you're not.

I admire you.

I admire that you show your children that a woman can have many facets to her life. Whether you are working out of necessity to provide or out of a love for your dreams, I admire your persistence, your tenacity, and your ability to juggle everything.

Some days, you probably feel like you aren't doing it all so smoothly. You feel like you are shortchanging everyone around you because let's face it: you're one person. You can't do everything.

But I'm here to tell you: You are doing an amazing job. From my shoes, I see you working tirelessly at your job and going home and doing your best to put on a smile for your family, even if you are running on nothing but caffeine. You show me what it means to work hard, to love harder, and to take life on your own terms.

My wish for you is to know that you are strong, you are capable, you are inspiring, and you make a difference in this world.

To the foster mom

To the foster moms--please note I am not giving you a separate section because you are different or less than or inferior than "biological" moms.

I give you a separate section because I think you have your own struggles, your own challenges, and your own, unique joys.

To love a child is a beautiful thing, whether the child is your biological child or not. To love a child in the ways that you do is noteworthy.

Your hearts are big, bigger than some can even understand.

You love without reserve. You love children who sometimes have bigger struggles on their small shoulders than us adults can understand. You devote yourself to giving all children a home of stability, a home that makes sense.

I know it isn't easy. I know there is a lot of heartbreak. I'm sure there are days you wonder if you're doing the right thing.

But I also know there are days when everything just feels right, when you know without a doubt you are making a difference. I know, too, that you get so much back from the children you mother. I know that even on the tough days or the days held up by frustrating legalities and rules you can't begin to understand, their smile makes it worth it.

​My wish for you is to know that you are strong, you are capable, you are inspiring, and you make a difference in this world.

To the adopted mom 

Just like with the foster moms, I want you to know I don't put you in a different section because I think of you as different from the "traditional" mother. Adopted, biological, or foster, our children are our children. There is no need to distinguish.

However, I wanted to take a moment to tell you I admire your persistence. I know without a doubt that adoption has its own set of challenges--legalities, rules, and a lot of patience. 

You are tenacious in your aims to mother your children, sometimes even before you know them. You are dedicated in your aim to follow your heart. 

I know each of your stories are different. I know some of you have different challenges on the path to motherhood.

At the end of it all, though, you become the mother you always wanted to be. You face the same difficulties and doubts of all mothers. You face the same joys and triumphs.

When you hold that child, there is no need for a label--adopted child, foster child, biological child. Because for mothers, all children are simply children, simply love.

I just wanted to say that I recognize your pathway to that moment is a little different and I admire your strength in those moments. 

​My wish for you is to know that you are strong, you are capable, you are inspiring, and you make a difference in this world.

To the guardian mothers

Again, biological labels do not matter in the mothering discussion.

However, I want to say to the women raising children who are not their biological children, you show the world that love has no boundaries. Whether you are a grandparent, an aunt, a friend, or a neighbor who is the guardian of a child you did not birth, you show us that love is not about blood type. It isn't about genetics and legalities.

It's about love.

You love your children, even on the hard days. You step up to be the role model they need, the mothering figure they need, when maybe someone else couldn't.

You do it not because you have to or because it's the right thing to do necessarily--you do it because of the love and the giving spirit in your heart. You do it because it's what you know you are called to do. And you do it even if you aren't so sure it's your calling.

​My wish for you is to know that you are strong, you are capable, you are inspiring, and you make a difference in this world.

To the grieving mothers

First, I want to acknowledge that I don't understand your pain. I have never had a child, let alone lost a child. I can only imagine the deep, agonizing, chest heaving pain you have felt over and over and over again--and I know what I am imagining isn't even close to what you are feeling.

I know Mother's Day must be a tough day.... but so are all the other days. I know that the sight of a child clutching his mother's hand must sometimes trigger a pang in your chest, must make you want to crumble sometimes. I know you are living in a hell no mother ever wants to find.

I also know that you probably don't feel strong or like you can make it sometimes. I'm sure that you don't feel like there is anything anyone could say to you on Mother's Day to make it better.

I know you are right.

But I do want to say this. I admire your love for your child. I admire those moments you had before life twisted in cruel ways. I admire the love you still have now. You show us that love for a child is unconditional, eternal, and has no boundaries.

And so many of you show us a strength in the human spirit we have never known was there, even when you don't feel strong.

I admire you. I hope you find support you need. I hope you find a way to carry on, to keep loving, and to find a sense of peace that I'm sure isn't easy to find.

We are thinking about you today. 

​My wish for you is to know that you are strong, you are capable, you are inspiring, and you make a difference in this world.

To the fur mamas

I am a fur mama to a mastiff and five cats, so although some might find this section silly, I don't.

Being a fur mama is not inferior, please know that.

Your compassionate heart and capability to feel love knows no bounds. Your love might be for a creature who cannot speak, but that doesn't make it less.

The bond between you and your cat or dog is something so many don't understand. But please know, you are a mother in your own right. You love unconditionally. You are there for nights of illness and for the tough days. You are there, caring and loving without bounds. You are selflessly putting another's needs above your own on so many ways.

And you get a lot back, too. The look in your pet's eyes when you say "I love you." The connection you have. The understanding.

Love knows no bounds, and mothering knows no bounds. ​

​My wish for you is to know that you are strong, you are capable, you are inspiring, and you make a difference in this world.

To the mamas to be

What an exciting time to be celebrating. Soon, you will enter into the world of motherhood officially... but in my opinion, you are already there.

You already know what it's like to love someone unconditionally, someone you haven't technically met but already know. You know what it's like to worry about what this world will do to your child, to worry about how you'll teach them the ways to a fulfilling life, to worry about money and needs and social aspects and all sorts of things.

You know what it's like to dream of a world for your child even better than what you've experienced. You know what it's like to dream of all of those moments you will share, the bond you will forge, and the love you will feel.

To the mamas to be, I admire you for your strength in physical pain. I admire how you can smile even though you might be scared, how you can put the love for your child above any scary things about pregnancy (and I've heard there are many scary things). 

You show me that if someday I find myself as a mama to be, I can make it a time of joy and excitement. You show us all that motherhood begins way earlier than that first moment you hold your baby. Mothering is a mindset, and you set a beautiful example for us all.

​My wish for you is to know that you are strong, you are capable, you are inspiring, and you make a difference in this world.

To the child free women

You do not feel the call to motherhood like so many tell you that you should.

Maybe this is a forever feeling, or maybe it's just a right-now choice. 

Maybe you're waiting for the right person, the right moment, the right time to change your child free status... or maybe you're completely happy being child free and don't want to change that.

Whatever your position or your reasons, know that you don't have to apologize for your decision, and you don't have to defend your child free status, especially on Mother's Day.

Not every woman is called to mother in the traditional sense. I know what it's like to be criticized for this decision. I know what it's like to be interrogated, to be looked at with condescension, and to be misunderstood.

I know that sometimes being child free can feel like you're being excluded from a club that you don't necessarily want to be in.... but still feel judged for being on the outskirts of.

Know that today, and every day, I respect you for living the life you choose. I respect and admire you for knowing yourself and what you want. Know that I understand your decision and that, even if it is different than what some in society say you should choose, you should keep choosing what is right for you.

And know that just because you don't have children doesn't mean you are less. You are brave and wise and selfless. You are giving and empathetic and strong. 

Because here's the thing... you don't have to be a mother to have mothering qualities or aspects. You don't have to have children to have an important place in this world, to be giving in spirit, and to be nurturing in all sorts of ways.

​My wish for you is to know that you are strong, you are capable, you are inspiring, and you make a difference in this world.​

To the mentor mothers

Mothering isn't always about genetics or meeting someone's physical needs. Mothering comes in all sorts of forms.

Teachers, counselors, neighbors, friends....these can all take on mothering roles. So many of us serve as mother figures to children in our community or in our lives. We set examples, we provide a shoulder to cry on, and we offer a smiling face in the crowd even though we have no biological or legal connection to the child in question.

Mothering takes many forms, and no matter what your mentoring role looks like, know that your job is so important, probably more important than you realize. Today, we celebrate your spirit of giving, your support, and your encouragement for all the children in your life who maybe don't call you mom, but who see you as just as important.

​​My wish for you is to know that you are strong, you are capable, you are inspiring, and you make a difference in this world.

To the grandmothers

What a special role you lead. You are a mother twice. You have seen two generations grow and change. You have been there with cookies after school and hugs and kisses during hard times and smiles during the fun times.

You have loved two sets of children. You have watched one child grow up and take on the role you once knew. You have learned to see your child in a new way, an inspiring way. You have done your job.... but you're not done yet. You are there to dry your child's tears when he or she realizes what you've known all along... parenting is hard. Really hard.

Know that you are making a difference for your grandchild but also your child. Your role may be different now, but it's not any less sweet. Watching another child grow, this time with your own child in the driver seat, is a beautiful gift.

​​My wish for you is to know that you are strong, you are capable, you are inspiring, and you make a difference in this world.

To those wishing to be mothers

Everyone assumes that becoming a mother is easy. The media, our health teachers, and our parents make it seem like pregnancy is as common as the common cold. 

But sometimes it's not.

Sometimes an empty womb month after month leads to an empty heart that feels like it's going to crack. Sometimes the feel of empty arms and that room you've been wanting to turn into a nursery sitting barren is a slap in the face.

Sometimes Mother's Day is a cruel reminder that you don't have that one thing you want more than anything in the world.

Know that while we can't understand your struggle, we can feel your heart breaking. We know that it is sometimes a challenge to smile at your friend's baby or to walk past those little clothes in the department store. 

And know that we're thinking of you, hoping for the best.

Know, too, that it's okay to keep hoping and praying. Know that it's okay to desperately want what you want.

And know, too, that someday, if you decide that your route to motherhood will look a little different, that's okay too.

You are in control. You are entitled to your feelings, your choices, and your sadness. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to feel what you're feeling.

But also know, it's okay to hope... because sometimes that hope works out.

Hang in there, and please know we are thinking of you today. 

​​My wish for you is to know that you are strong, you are capable, you are inspiring, and you make a difference in this world.

To those missing their mothers

The loss of a parent is never easy. The loss of a mother can be felt extra hard on a day like Mother's Day.

To those grieving because they no longer have a mom to give gifts to, to take out to dinner, or to simply say "I love you" to, know that we send our love to you. 

A mother's love never ends, but that doesn't make it any easier to be left here without her. We know that you wish you could spend just one more Mother's Day with her. We know you would give anything to wait in that long brunch line with her or to call her or to just give her one last card.

We are thinking of you and her today. We are hoping you find solace in your previous memories. We hope you know that her love is still with you and that your memories are the gifts that nothing can take away.

​​My wish for you is to know that you are strong, you are capable, you are inspiring, and you make a difference in this world.

To those estranged from their mothers

Not every mother-daughter relationship is simple. Heck, life isn't simple. Sometimes life prevents a happy mother-daughter relationship from forming. Sometimes, life simply cracks it somewhere along the way.

All sorts of feelings can accompany this. Guilt. Fear. Regret. Anger. Frustration. 

I don't know your story. I don't know why there is a gap between you, and I don't know if it can be fixed. I don't know if you want it to be fixed.

Still, Mother's Day can complicate already complicated feelings. Questions from others about your mom can bring back old feelings and history and hurts from the past.

I hope that if you think your relationship can be repaired and you want it, you take today to reach out. I hope you try. I hope you know that a mother's love is sometimes magical in its reach. It can even bridge gaps that seem impossible to cross.

I hope that if it is not the time to bridge the gap or if it might never be, you find peace with that. I hope you realize that sometimes our parents teach us who we are even if they aren't in the picture--sometimes their absence is what forces us to rise up and become who we are meant to be. Sometimes their lack of love teaches us a strength we didn't know.

And, I also realize that this isn't a fantasy world. I realize that sometimes our estrangement just plain out sucks and has no purpose and is just a scar on our past.

Regardless, I hope you find some time to reflect today and to smile and to move forward, no matter what that looks like.

​​My wish for you is to know that you are strong, you are capable, you are inspiring, and you make a difference in this world.

To every woman out there

I know this isn't an all-inclusive list. There are so many of us out there who may not fit any of these categories or may fit more than one. 

The truth is, all of us have a different Mother's Day story and a different type of mothering spirit. Some of us have a different version of what it means to be a mother.

At the end of it all, I simply wish for every woman out there to realize her worth, her place, her joy, and her purpose. I hope that every woman realizes that it takes so many different types of women to make this world what it is.

I hope that you all recognize the beauty of the place you are, right now, and the other women in your life. I hope you take a moment to appreciate all of the women who have touched your life and who continue to touch the lives of others.

In summary, here's what I wish for every woman this Mother's Day: ​My wish for you is to know that you are strong, you are capable, you are inspiring, and you make a difference in this world. 

Because no matter who you are or what your mothering status is, you are a woman who deserves to celebrate this day, this moment, and this life.

Xoxo,

Author Lindsay Detwiler
www.facebook.com/lindsayanndetwiler