AUTHOR LINDSAY DETWILER
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Books
  • About
  • Contact
  • READ FREE!
  • The Dark Side
Contemporary Romance Author

Real Friends: Defining Friendship in Your Twenties

4/17/2016

0 Comments

 
Eleanor Roosevelt Quote Picture

Friendships are difficult to define, especially if you are a woman.

When I think about my life, there have been so many friends fade in and out of my life. There have been people I thought were my friends who turned out to be enemies. There have been people who I thought would just be acquaintances turn out to mean so much. There are people who were important for a single stage of life. There are people who have been there through many more.

At twenty-eight, I've come to learn that friendship doesn't always last forever. Then again, sometimes it does.

The quote above is one of the truest quotes I've learned. Interestingly enough, it came on a friendship frame from a person I stopped being friends with long ago. 

In life, friendships can sometimes fade. They can change.

​But the true friends, the ones who really impact you, do leave a footprint,a mark, an indelible stamp of themselves on you. 

Below, some lessons I've learned at each stage so far.

Early Childhood Friendship

When I think back to some of these first friendships, I smile. My first friend ever was a neighbor boy named Thomas. I can still remember the first day we met. I still have a scar from falling on my bike when we were playing. It was a time marked by simplicity and innocence, of carefree bike rides and outdoor games. It was, in short, a beautiful time in life. 

In Kindergarten, I became friends with several girls. Cue female friendship drama. I can still think of some of my close friends from elementary school. I can also picture all of our silly fights, our arguments, and the tears, too. 

Early friendships seem simple, but they really aren't. A friendship in Kindergarten can easily be tainted by a dropped Pop-tart or a Barbie being named the wrong name. I learned early on that girls can be really mean and dramatic. I learned friendships aren't permanent. I learned sometimes you end up playing alone.

But young friendships can also be some of the purest forms of connection. They aren't completely tainted with the fear of social pressures or fitting in. They're usually pretty pure.

Looking back , these friendships can set the tone for our relationships later in life. They teach us how to get along, how to compromise, and how to move on sometimes.


High School Friendship

The best years, right?

For the most part, yes. These were the years of sleepovers and movies, of mall shopping trips and laughter. These were the years I had the most friends.

It's funny how in high school, you think you'll be friends forever. Adults warn you, but you don't listen. Those gleaming best friends necklaces won't ever rust. You'll never lose touch.

And then you do.

I still talk to some of my friends from high school. Social media has made it easier, for sure. 

There's only one person I'm really still in contact with, despite some distance. Kristin, my best shopping friend, fellow bookworm, literature lover, cat lover, and everything else in between, still keeps in touch. We still laugh about our favorite memories, from a winking Santa card to the time I almost choked to death on a piece of gum. Even when we faded out of each other's lives for a while, she was always still there. She was one of the footprint makers in my life, and she will always be such an integral part of my fondest memories of the past and my hope for new friendship memories in the future.

High school friendships help us transition into adult life. They remain a part of us because they are a part of our fundamental years. Sure, there's a heck of a lot of drama. Some of the girls I thought were my friends turned out to be mortal enemies. I was stabbed in the back, gossiped about, and argued with. But it turned out to be a good thing. Even those friendships in high school that go awry prepare us for the tough, no nonsense world of criticism and falsehoods. 

College Years

Picture
College is tough. Gone are all the friends you grew up with, the ones you saw every day at school. You're starting over, you're starting fresh.

And for the first few days, you're alone.

You walk alone. You sometimes sit alone. You (cringe) sometimes eat alone, something that would have been social suicide in high school.

It's an adjustment. You learn to be independent. You learn friendships truly do come and go.

For me, my college years consisted of one constant friend, though, a girl who is still one of my best friends. Jamie.

We met in religion class. I saw her, thought she looked nice. We both had bangs, both were a bit quiet in class. So I choose to sit beside her. 

It turned out to be the best choice I made. Once we got to talking, we literally never stopped. Like not for a second. Chad laughs when we're together, saying we never stop talking. 

College is stressful. There's a lot of work, a lot of times you don't think you can make it. Despite popular belief, socializing sometimes takes the bottom rung on your priority list. For me, though, I was lucky to have Jamie by my side to make me laugh when I wanted to quit, to commiserate over crazy classes with, and to dance with clay with the Black Potter. We had so many good memories and still are making more. From boyfriends (now husbands) who were stuck in a heart to Jesus in a tree to Sheetz Mochas to dancing to Grease, we made more memories in four years than I've made with others in decades. 

College friends come into our lives when we're in transition, when we're trying to grow up. But keeping your college friends close is such a gift because when you are grown up, they remind you of the fun, crazy times. They remind you not to let go of that person you were, the person with a vision, with a dream, with passion. 

Work Years

Growing up sucks. Adulting sucks. Seriously.

Friendship in your adult years can be tough. Time becomes a big hurdle. Between work life, family life, and laundry, when the heck do you have time for friendship, for jaunts to the mall, for careless dinners out?

You don't. You just have to make it.

Friendships during the adult years are kind of a culmination of everything you learn earlier. These friendships are marked by time and distance sometimes. Sometimes friendships work better during certain periods of your life than others. Sometimes friendships fade because of convenience or different life stages. 

We've had friends slip away because of a major fact: they have children and we don't. Children can sometimes change the face of friendship, change the connections you once had.

But that's okay. Friendship, like life, is all about changing. Nothing is a constant. 

Except family.

Thus, in adulthood, I think I've come to realize the best friends you will ever have are the one's who sort of have to be there. Your family.

My parents, my husband, my extended family--these are the friendships that have stood the test of time. These are the people I go to when I want to laugh or when I need to cry. These are the people I always make time for, I always prioritize. These are the people who have left footprints tattooed on my heart, but never slip away.

Some friends stay for a few months or for a few years. Some of these friends are forgotten, their impact slipping away and irrelevant in a new stage of life. Some of them mark us, for better or worse, and change who we are, how we see friendship.

Family, though, are the people who mark us with their footprints and stay to see how those footprints change us.

Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.


    Banners for Best Romance Book Blogs
    Author Lindsay Detwiler
    Picture
    *As an Amazon Affiliate, I get a small fee for any books purchased through the links below.
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Then Comes Love
    Who We Were Romantic Comedy
    Where Love Went
    Where Love Went Free Read Holiday
    To Say Goodbye
    Picture
    Remember When Lindsay Detwiler

    Archives

    September 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    July 2019
    May 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016

    Categories

    All
    Aging
    Am Reading
    Animal
    Animals
    Animal Testing
    Author
    Author Chat
    Authors
    Bark Box
    Beach
    Beauty
    Beauty Blog
    Beauty Box
    Beauty Review
    Body Image
    Book
    Book Blog
    Book Review
    Books
    Book Sale
    Bookworm
    Box
    Caregiving
    Cat
    Chick Books
    Chick Lit
    Childfree
    Childless
    Children
    Classics
    Clothes
    Contemporary Romance
    Contest
    Cook
    Cosmetics
    Creative
    Creative Writing
    Cruelty Free
    Dad
    Dating
    Divorce
    Dog
    Dogs
    Dream
    Dreams
    Empowerment
    Facebook Live
    Family
    Fashion
    Father's Day
    Fear
    Female Writers
    Fiction
    Free
    Free Book
    Free Reads
    Friendship
    Fulfillment
    Funny
    Gaming
    Giveaway
    Good Books
    Graduation
    Growing Up
    Hair
    Holocaust
    Inspire
    Keith Urban
    Kindness
    Life
    Literary
    Literature
    Live Show
    Love
    Lularoe
    Makeup
    Maplewood
    Marriage
    Mastiff
    Modern Love
    Mom
    Mood Boosters
    Mother
    Mothering
    Mother's Day
    Movie
    Movie Review
    Must Read
    Netflix
    New Author
    New Release
    Organization
    Parents
    Pets
    Phobia
    Pieces Of My Heart
    Poet
    Poetry
    Prize
    Prizes
    Reading
    Refresh
    Relationships
    Review
    Reviews
    Romance
    Romantic Comedy
    Sale
    Self Care
    September 11th
    Show
    Simple Living
    Simply Love
    Stitch Fix
    Story
    Style
    Summer
    Sweet
    Sweet Romance
    Tattoo
    Teacher
    Teaching
    Tech
    Teenagers
    Television
    Thankful
    Thirty
    Tidying
    Valentine's Day
    Vegan
    Wedding
    Win
    Winter Blahs
    Woman
    Women
    Women's Fiction
    Writer
    Writing
    Young Adult

    RSS Feed

Lindsay Detwiler

  About
Contact
Hot Tree Publishing

Disclosure: 
We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases

This site is also a part of the Intellinfluence Program, where we receive free products and payment for posting about certain products.

We are also a participant in the Stitch Fix Influencer program, in which we receive fees when you click on the Stitch Fix advertisement. I am also a part of the Jane.com Affiliate program through ShareASale and earn fees when you purchase using the affiliate links.



​**This website uses Google Analytics to improve user experiences. We also use Adsense to create revenue and Amazon Affiliates.

Privacy Policy
© COPYRIGHT 2015. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Books
  • About
  • Contact
  • READ FREE!
  • The Dark Side