AUTHOR LINDSAY DETWILER
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Books
  • About
  • Contact
  • READ FREE!
  • The Dark Side
Contemporary Romance Author

Women Like Her

5/5/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
She looks at herself like she has so many times before. She sees the face the world sees. The perfectly plucked eyebrows. The confidence. The “I’m going somewhere” look in her brazen but soft honey-colored eyes. She sees the face of the twenty-nine-year-old who’s accomplished her to-do list, who’s achieved her carefully planned goal list.

Sure, she sees some things the rest of the world probably doesn’t notice as much as she does. She sees the tiny crinkles around her eyes, crinkles that look more like furrows to her. She sees the mole on the side of her cheek that screams to her every time she looks in the mirror. She sees bags under her eyes, imperfections, skin dull enough to be the “before” on a skin care commercial.

Tonight, though, she’s starting to see more than just crow’s feet and fine lines. She’s seeing something she hasn’t seen before, not fully.

She’s seeing the cracks.

They’d been there before, at least in the hairline variety. They’d been splintering carefully, delicately, so sneakily her observant eye missed them.

Or maybe she just wanted to miss them. They’d been cracking and fissuring, slowly cascading down her face, waiting for that moment.

That moment had come.

It wasn’t a big moment, an earth-shattering moment. It wasn’t a moment anyone else would recognize or she would talk about. It wasn’t one of those “Oh my God, did you hear” water cooler moments in the office. It was nothing, really.

Yet, it was certainly something. It was the final hammer, the final incitement. The cracks had finally connected. The fracturing of her had happened.

And she finally noticed.

In hindsight, this wasn’t something new. It’d been building, bubbling for a while. From the outside, she looked fine. Her perfectly glossed lips, in pink of course, and her gleaming white teeth fooled the world… and they fooled herself, in truth. She was the woman who had it made. She wasn’t famous. She was an average American Dream achiever. The house, the modest car, the husband, the family. She had everything she could want. She was collected and rational. She was responsible and energetic.

She was the face of contentment.

But… she wasn’t content. Not completely.

There were symptoms thinks were about to go wrong. The friends who were “friends” until something went wrong or until she needed help. The “friends” who were friends until she achieved something or had something good happen to her, leading to the jealous mockery, angry sneers. There was the constant pull for approval, the need for recognition. The constant need to make him proud, to make him respect her. The push and pull, the escalating pressures of being what she was perceived to be.

Sometimes, she felt tiny thoughts creeping in, thoughts she quickly stomped out, thoughts she put a hammer to. Thoughts she didn’t want to admit.

Thoughts of feeling alone, isolated, of feeling starkly insufficient at relationships. She had thoughts of disappearing, of starting over. She had thoughts of going it alone, of going into the woods all adventurer style and living in solitude.

Okay, so that wasn’t realistic, she knew.

But what really scared her were the thoughts she had on her morning commute, serious thoughts of stomping down on the gas pedal and driving away, never to return.

Women like her, though, didn’t do these sorts of things. Women like her laughed off these feelings, played them up to hormones or a bad burrito or a rough time or a lack of sleep. Women like her, successful and selfless, didn’t throw themselves pity parties or think about doing the unspeakable act of leaving. Women like her smiled through the pain, painted on more lip gloss, covered the cracks with some spackle and kept on moving. Women like her thought of others first. Women like her looked inward to fix the problem, tried to be better, nicer, smarter, wiser, funnier.

But then tonight happened, and suddenly, the cracks were so obvious, she couldn’t believe she didn’t see them before. A part of her felt freer, cleaner, better just for recognizing what she’d been pushing away.

A part of her, though, felt dirty. She actually pulled her gaze away, lowered it to the floor, and headed for her nightly, ritualistic shower. Turning the faucet on, she realized how tired she felt. She climbed into the stream of water, let it cascade down her back, jumping at the shock of the cold before reveling in the steamy warmth.

She stared at the water swirling down the drain, hoping in some ways these thoughts would swirl right down with the water. Like so many other nights, she would wash away these feelings, would emerge from the shower the person she always was. She would face the world as the smiling girl again.

These feelings, though, weren’t going anywhere. Staring at the water swirling down the drain, it was the same color it always was. Suddenly, though, it looked murky. These feelings were as palpable as the condensation on the shower wall her fingers were tracing. They were as real as the stream of water droplets pelting her skin.

No, she couldn’t unsee the cracks. Tomorrow, when her alarm went off, she would probably try to patch them up. She would put on that pink lipgloss.

But it wouldn’t be the same. The world might not see the cracks, but she knew they were there now. She knew, like a ticking time bomb, they were waiting to spread, to radiate outward and upward and every which way.

Tomorrow, she might pull it off. She might be the girl she’d been for almost three decades. She might fool herself again, fool everyone, just for another day.
Then again, she might not. Tomorrow she might stomp on that gas pedal. She might go to the wilderness. She might wallow in her isolation, wallow in the knowledge she wasn’t who she thought she was.
​
Because when women like her crack, they can never be the same woman again.
 
This is purely a fiction piece… but in many ways, I think there’s a lot of truth behind it. Today’s women are taught perfection is attainable. We are to be confident, selfless, jovial, energetic go-getters at all times. To admit sadness or struggles is viewed as selfishness. So many women are dealing with identity crises and feelings of isolation but are afraid to admit it. I hope this piece gives some of you the strength to realize no life is perfect. We all suffer with cracks and self-doubt and desires for a new life. There is nothing selfish about trying to find what makes you truly happy
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.


    Banners for Best Romance Book Blogs
    Author Lindsay Detwiler
    Picture
    *As an Amazon Affiliate, I get a small fee for any books purchased through the links below.
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Then Comes Love
    Who We Were Romantic Comedy
    Where Love Went
    Where Love Went Free Read Holiday
    To Say Goodbye
    Picture
    Remember When Lindsay Detwiler

    Archives

    September 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    July 2019
    May 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016

    Categories

    All
    Aging
    Am Reading
    Animal
    Animals
    Animal Testing
    Author
    Author Chat
    Authors
    Bark Box
    Beach
    Beauty
    Beauty Blog
    Beauty Box
    Beauty Review
    Body Image
    Book
    Book Blog
    Book Review
    Books
    Book Sale
    Bookworm
    Box
    Caregiving
    Cat
    Chick Books
    Chick Lit
    Childfree
    Childless
    Children
    Classics
    Clothes
    Contemporary Romance
    Contest
    Cook
    Cosmetics
    Creative
    Creative Writing
    Cruelty Free
    Dad
    Dating
    Divorce
    Dog
    Dogs
    Dream
    Dreams
    Empowerment
    Facebook Live
    Family
    Fashion
    Father's Day
    Fear
    Female Writers
    Fiction
    Free
    Free Book
    Free Reads
    Friendship
    Fulfillment
    Funny
    Gaming
    Giveaway
    Good Books
    Graduation
    Growing Up
    Hair
    Holocaust
    Inspire
    Keith Urban
    Kindness
    Life
    Literary
    Literature
    Live Show
    Love
    Lularoe
    Makeup
    Maplewood
    Marriage
    Mastiff
    Modern Love
    Mom
    Mood Boosters
    Mother
    Mothering
    Mother's Day
    Movie
    Movie Review
    Must Read
    Netflix
    New Author
    New Release
    Organization
    Parents
    Pets
    Phobia
    Pieces Of My Heart
    Poet
    Poetry
    Prize
    Prizes
    Reading
    Refresh
    Relationships
    Review
    Reviews
    Romance
    Romantic Comedy
    Sale
    Self Care
    September 11th
    Show
    Simple Living
    Simply Love
    Stitch Fix
    Story
    Style
    Summer
    Sweet
    Sweet Romance
    Tattoo
    Teacher
    Teaching
    Tech
    Teenagers
    Television
    Thankful
    Thirty
    Tidying
    Valentine's Day
    Vegan
    Wedding
    Win
    Winter Blahs
    Woman
    Women
    Women's Fiction
    Writer
    Writing
    Young Adult

    RSS Feed

Lindsay Detwiler

  About
Contact
Hot Tree Publishing

Disclosure: 
We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases

This site is also a part of the Intellinfluence Program, where we receive free products and payment for posting about certain products.

We are also a participant in the Stitch Fix Influencer program, in which we receive fees when you click on the Stitch Fix advertisement. I am also a part of the Jane.com Affiliate program through ShareASale and earn fees when you purchase using the affiliate links.



​**This website uses Google Analytics to improve user experiences. We also use Adsense to create revenue and Amazon Affiliates.

Privacy Policy
© COPYRIGHT 2015. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Books
  • About
  • Contact
  • READ FREE!
  • The Dark Side